i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
