Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
