I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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