so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
