I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
