im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
