i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i think i just lost a toe
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
