This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
