when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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