she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize