Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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