Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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