He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
