I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
