I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he shaved USA in his pubs
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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