i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
