Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
