I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
