Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
