dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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