Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
