And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
