i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
