Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
