when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
try to milk me bitch
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