Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Terrible idea I love it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
