every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
