So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
