thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
