I smell stomach acid.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
