apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
