the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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