everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
