If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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