And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He? As in you personified your dick?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
