I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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