hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
