Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
