she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
only if we run a train.
done.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
