I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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