why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
