So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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