Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
