he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
