So drunk its hurt
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
