just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
