Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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