just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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