So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
