I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
