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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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