it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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