I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
