i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize