i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
