You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
