So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize