my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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