Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
