i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
where am i from again
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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