I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
