i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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