grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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