I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
