$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
