i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
