I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
