I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
