I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
