I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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