Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
