I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
