And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize