New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
All the doctor said was why
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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