so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
