i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
