im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
