i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize