May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
