Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What a dumb baby whore.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
