everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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